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The best thing about the Zen Progression Alarm Clock™ is that the mini gong and the digital clock are both inside a real wood box and when you close it, you would never know that it is an alarm clock. This makes people surprised when they open it or receive it as a gift. And the box is made of such nice wood that people always want to touch it when they come in your room.

Another time when it’s good to think about the Zen Progression Alarm Clock™ is when they have to look into your throat. They do this with a long rubber tube, but the catch is, they have to put it in your nose. I try to tell them it makes more sense to look in your mouth with a flashlight and that I could even bring one from home because my dad has about fifteen different kinds. He even has one that policemen use when they are out on the streets, which means it is very heavy, large and powerful. But if that is not the right kind, he has a very small one that can fit in your shirt pocket. I can also open my mouth extremely wide.

I have never seen a commercial for the Zen Progression Alarm Clock™, but I am always on the lookout, because I would be perfect to act in one, or even read a script on the radio. Once I see a commercial for the Zen Progression Alarm Clock™ I am going to tape myself in the same format and send in the tape and hope they hire me. I don’t want to do this in advance in case they are one of those companies whose CEO or founder has decided not to spend money on advertising and just rely on word of mouth or something.

Rehearsing in your head for your career in commercials can pass a lot of time. I already know what I would say: “The Zen Progression Alarm Clock™ gets me up to get where I have to go. I am never late! After ten invigorating minutes of progressive awakening, I stretch and smile and am ready for the day! Every single day!” This part would be me, but in a voiceover. And then the commercial would show me sleeping in bed and the gonging and stretching and smiling and getting up to do yoga and drink cashew nut milk and eat goji berries for breakfast because that is what the Zen eat.

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